Oops

On the first day of 31

Sometimes I just need to know that I can do it.

All this year my theme has been about a process, a change, and a dash line from this dot to the next. I have opened up a little. I have experienced a little more. I have had a higher expectation.

When you look back, it is always overwhelmingly amazing to realize how far you have come and how much you have grown. But I am trying something new for the first time. I am going to look forward and wade through the swamp of what has made me me.

In doing so, I need to know that I can do it. With the help of unexpected incidents and people, I have grown to realize that with a little confidence, I can accomplish a lot more.

And there it is, the coming challenge and obstacle. The huge barrier between the old me and the future me. The goal I meant to put in front of me but seems so distant away.

I might have been whining openly about many things. But recently I do feel helpless and I need much support from you, even though some of you have been out of reach, or, I have not been able to feel your existence. I flounder hopelessly and panic aimlessly alone. Still, I need you to tell me that I'll be fine, it's right there, GO FOR IT.

I need to believe, among the parallel universes, there is at least one other me who has already seen through all these, seen who he really is. I need to know, from the 31th year, there are finally spectacles meant for me.

Happy Birthday to me.